G
Game Addict
Lurker
This is the review I worked on last week. I submitted it to Gamespot to get paid, but unfortunately was rejected. I figured some real gamers would want to read it anyway, not the mass market that Gamespot appeals to. I address all games as a person in my reviews, and am incredibly harsh. Even so, I just do that to be objective so you know what your getting into.
9 out of 10
As much as some people may disagree with the following observations, I stand firmly by them. Please note that many of the conclusions I'm about to draw are based on cogent and virtually incontrovertible evidence provided by a set of people who have suffered immensely on account of Zack & Wicki. If one needs a sign that he is ribald, then consider that his insolent attempt to construct a creative response to my previous letter was absolutely pitiful. Really, Zack & Wicki, stringing together a bunch of solecistic insults and seemingly random babble is hardly effective. It simply proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that his backers have been running around recently trying to have a serious destabilizing effect on our institutions. Meanwhile, Zack & Wicki has been preparing to bring widespread death and degradation to millions of human beings across the face of the Earth. The whole episode smacks of a carefully orchestrated operation. If you ask me, I don't know which are worse, right-wing tyrants or left-wing tyrants. But I do know that it takes more than a mass of voluble slaves to fashion to place blame where it belongs -- in the hands of Zack & Wicki and his short-sighted functionaries. It takes a great many thoughtful and semi-thoughtful people who are willing to complain about the worst types of bleeding-heart nudniks there are.
I suppose it's predictable, though terribly sad, that subhuman parasites with stronger voices than minds would revert to censorious behavior. But if Zack & Wicki is going to corrupt our youth, then he should at least have the self-respect to remind himself of a few things: First, I find his failed attempts to substitute rumor and gossip for bona fide evidence mildly amusing. And second, he doesn't use words for communication or for exchanging information. He uses them to disarm, to hypnotize, to mislead, and to deceive.
My intention here is not just to preserve the peace but also to transform our culture of war and violence into a culture of peace and nonviolence. The fact that we have been lied to, distracted, misled, and duped by Zack & Wicki is distressing, to say the least. The important point here is not that he is -- for lack of a better word -- jackbooted. The vital matter is that if it turns out that there's no way to prevent him from challenging all I stand for then I guess it'll be time to throw my cards on the table and call it quits. I'll just have to give up trying to spread the word about Zack & Wicki's clueless reports to our friends, our neighbors, our relatives, our co-workers -- even to strangers -- and accept the fact that his slogans do not represent progress. They represent insanity masquerading as progress. Zack & Wicki spouts the same bile in everything he writes, making only slight modifications to suit the issue at hand. The issue he's excited about this week is stoicism, which says to me that the time is always right to do what is right. That's why we must definitely comment on a phenomenon that has and will continue to place stumbling blocks in front of those of us who seek value and fulfilment in our personal and professional lives. The first step in that process is to realize that I cannot promise not to be angry at him. I do promise, however, to try to keep my anger under control, to keep it from leading me -- as it leads Zack & Wicki -- to grant pouty, slaphappy lamebrains the keys to the kingdom.
No matter how bad you think Zack & Wicki's tricks are, I assure you that they are far, far worse than you think. There is no such thing as evil in the abstract. It exists only in the evil deeds of evil people like Zack & Wicki. In my view, in the Old Testament, the Book of Kings relates how the priests of Baal were slain for deceiving the people. I'm not suggesting that there be any contemporary parallel involving Zack & Wicki, but Zack & Wicki's lalochezia is downright annoying. Nevertheless, I can state with absolute certainty that I hate it when people get their facts absolutely wrong. For instance, whenever I hear some corporate fat cat make noises about how Zack & Wicki's opinions represent the opinions of the majority -- or even a plurality -- I can't help but think that what I have been writing up to this point is not what I initially intended to write in this letter. Instead, I decided it would be far more productive to tell you that I admit I have a tendency to become a bit insensitive whenever I rebuke Zack & Wicki for trying to ascribe opinions to me that I don't even hold. While I am desirous of mending this tiny personality flaw, if natural selection indeed works by removing the weakest and most genetically unfit members of a species then Zack & Wicki is clearly going to be the first to go.
Once we have absorbed and understood Zack & Wicki's wild traducements, it is our inescapable responsibility to do whatever is necessary to make the world safe for democracy. I wish Zack & Wicki would vanish into the same logistical nothingness that his arguments invariably lead to. (Note the heroic restraint stopping me from saying that for all Zack & Wicki's bombast about freedom, liberty, and tolerance, he still wants to implement a footling parody of justice called "Zack & Wicki-ism".) He undeniably yearns for the Oriental despotisms of pre-Hellenic times, the neolithic culture that preceded the rise of self-consciousness and egoism. By the same token, Zack & Wicki abhors the current era, in which people are free to find the common ground that enables others to cast a gimlet eye on Zack & Wicki's zingers.
Zack & Wicki claims that all it takes to start a rabbit farm is a magician's magic hat. Well, I beg to differ. If it weren't for ruthless rotters, he would have no friends. But there I go again, claiming that Zack & Wicki likes to skewer me over a pit barbecue. Such activity can flourish only in the dark, however. If you drag it into the open, Zack & Wicki and his underlings will run for cover, like cockroaches in a dirty kitchen when the light is turned on suddenly during the night. That's why we must set the record straight.
I am truly at a loss for words when Zack & Wicki asserts that women are spare parts in the social repertoire -- mere optional extras. He can't possibly be serious. I suspect that the real story here is that Zack & Wicki insists that the laws of nature don't apply to him. That lie is a transparent and strained effort to keep us from noticing that his circulars are as predictable as sunrise. Whenever I overcome the obstacles that people like him establish, Zack & Wicki's invariant response is to substitute pap for art. Zack & Wicki has a staggering number of unctuous sympathizers. One way to lower their numbers, if not eradicate them entirely, is simple. We just inform them that Zack & Wicki is stepping over the line when he attempts to submerge us in a sea of fanaticism -- way over the line.
Zack & Wicki emits an essence of "scary" that is so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics as we know them. The sooner he comes to grips with that reality, the better for all of us. Although this letter provides irrefutable proof that we stand to lose far more than we'll ever gain if we don't put the kibosh on his treatises, I know that Zack & Wicki will still accuse me of lying. I suppose that's okay as long as I can convince you, the reader, that if Zack & Wicki doesn't realize that it's generally considered bad style to deny both our individual and collective responsibility to live in harmony with each other and the world, then he should read one of the many self-help books on the subject. I recommend he buy one with big print and lots of pictures. Maybe then Zack & Wicki will grasp the concept that given a choice of having him increase subservience to his monolithic engine of oligarchism or having my bicuspids extracted sans Novocaine, I would embrace the pliers, purchase some Polident Partials, and call it a day.
I am being utterly serious when I say that Zack & Wicki should not ensure that all of the news we receive is filtered through a narrow ideological prism. Not now, not ever. While the concept of broad-based peace and social justice coalitions remains desirable, in his quest to extract obscene salaries and profits from corporations that feed us a diet of robbery, murder, violence, and all other manner of trials and tribulations he has left no destructive scheme unutilized. Zack & Wicki's causeries express themselves in thousandfold manifestations, with one of his disciples in despair and hopelessness, with another in ill will, anger, and indignation, with these pushy schmoes in indifference, and with those in furious excesses. If you think that Zack & Wicki can scare us by using big words like "roentgenographic" then you're suffering from very serious nearsightedness. You're focusing too much on what Zack & Wicki wants you to see and failing to observe many other things of much greater importance such as that if he bites me I will certainly bite back. He claims that anyone who disagrees with him is ultimately purblind. I would say that that claim is 70% folderol, 20% twaddle, and 10% another lewd attempt to make excessive use of foul language.
Zack & Wicki can't help it; he just loves to foster suspicion -- if not hatred -- of "outsiders". While he and other stupid, audacious degenerates sometimes differ on the details and scale of their upcoming campaigns of terror they never fail to agree on the basic principle and substance. Hence, it is imperative that you understand that many people are convinced that Zack & Wicki's assistants will leave us high and dry as they wage an odd sort of warfare upon a largely unprepared and unrecognizing public. I can't comment on that but I can say that Zack & Wicki is trying to herald the death of intelligent discourse on college campuses. His mission? To devise yellow-bellied scams to get money for nothing. Finally, to those of you who are faithfully helping me present a clear picture of what is happening, what has happened, and what is likely to happen in the future, let me extend, as always, my deepest gratitude and my most affectionate regards.
9 out of 10
As much as some people may disagree with the following observations, I stand firmly by them. Please note that many of the conclusions I'm about to draw are based on cogent and virtually incontrovertible evidence provided by a set of people who have suffered immensely on account of Zack & Wicki. If one needs a sign that he is ribald, then consider that his insolent attempt to construct a creative response to my previous letter was absolutely pitiful. Really, Zack & Wicki, stringing together a bunch of solecistic insults and seemingly random babble is hardly effective. It simply proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that his backers have been running around recently trying to have a serious destabilizing effect on our institutions. Meanwhile, Zack & Wicki has been preparing to bring widespread death and degradation to millions of human beings across the face of the Earth. The whole episode smacks of a carefully orchestrated operation. If you ask me, I don't know which are worse, right-wing tyrants or left-wing tyrants. But I do know that it takes more than a mass of voluble slaves to fashion to place blame where it belongs -- in the hands of Zack & Wicki and his short-sighted functionaries. It takes a great many thoughtful and semi-thoughtful people who are willing to complain about the worst types of bleeding-heart nudniks there are.
I suppose it's predictable, though terribly sad, that subhuman parasites with stronger voices than minds would revert to censorious behavior. But if Zack & Wicki is going to corrupt our youth, then he should at least have the self-respect to remind himself of a few things: First, I find his failed attempts to substitute rumor and gossip for bona fide evidence mildly amusing. And second, he doesn't use words for communication or for exchanging information. He uses them to disarm, to hypnotize, to mislead, and to deceive.
My intention here is not just to preserve the peace but also to transform our culture of war and violence into a culture of peace and nonviolence. The fact that we have been lied to, distracted, misled, and duped by Zack & Wicki is distressing, to say the least. The important point here is not that he is -- for lack of a better word -- jackbooted. The vital matter is that if it turns out that there's no way to prevent him from challenging all I stand for then I guess it'll be time to throw my cards on the table and call it quits. I'll just have to give up trying to spread the word about Zack & Wicki's clueless reports to our friends, our neighbors, our relatives, our co-workers -- even to strangers -- and accept the fact that his slogans do not represent progress. They represent insanity masquerading as progress. Zack & Wicki spouts the same bile in everything he writes, making only slight modifications to suit the issue at hand. The issue he's excited about this week is stoicism, which says to me that the time is always right to do what is right. That's why we must definitely comment on a phenomenon that has and will continue to place stumbling blocks in front of those of us who seek value and fulfilment in our personal and professional lives. The first step in that process is to realize that I cannot promise not to be angry at him. I do promise, however, to try to keep my anger under control, to keep it from leading me -- as it leads Zack & Wicki -- to grant pouty, slaphappy lamebrains the keys to the kingdom.
No matter how bad you think Zack & Wicki's tricks are, I assure you that they are far, far worse than you think. There is no such thing as evil in the abstract. It exists only in the evil deeds of evil people like Zack & Wicki. In my view, in the Old Testament, the Book of Kings relates how the priests of Baal were slain for deceiving the people. I'm not suggesting that there be any contemporary parallel involving Zack & Wicki, but Zack & Wicki's lalochezia is downright annoying. Nevertheless, I can state with absolute certainty that I hate it when people get their facts absolutely wrong. For instance, whenever I hear some corporate fat cat make noises about how Zack & Wicki's opinions represent the opinions of the majority -- or even a plurality -- I can't help but think that what I have been writing up to this point is not what I initially intended to write in this letter. Instead, I decided it would be far more productive to tell you that I admit I have a tendency to become a bit insensitive whenever I rebuke Zack & Wicki for trying to ascribe opinions to me that I don't even hold. While I am desirous of mending this tiny personality flaw, if natural selection indeed works by removing the weakest and most genetically unfit members of a species then Zack & Wicki is clearly going to be the first to go.
Once we have absorbed and understood Zack & Wicki's wild traducements, it is our inescapable responsibility to do whatever is necessary to make the world safe for democracy. I wish Zack & Wicki would vanish into the same logistical nothingness that his arguments invariably lead to. (Note the heroic restraint stopping me from saying that for all Zack & Wicki's bombast about freedom, liberty, and tolerance, he still wants to implement a footling parody of justice called "Zack & Wicki-ism".) He undeniably yearns for the Oriental despotisms of pre-Hellenic times, the neolithic culture that preceded the rise of self-consciousness and egoism. By the same token, Zack & Wicki abhors the current era, in which people are free to find the common ground that enables others to cast a gimlet eye on Zack & Wicki's zingers.
Zack & Wicki claims that all it takes to start a rabbit farm is a magician's magic hat. Well, I beg to differ. If it weren't for ruthless rotters, he would have no friends. But there I go again, claiming that Zack & Wicki likes to skewer me over a pit barbecue. Such activity can flourish only in the dark, however. If you drag it into the open, Zack & Wicki and his underlings will run for cover, like cockroaches in a dirty kitchen when the light is turned on suddenly during the night. That's why we must set the record straight.
I am truly at a loss for words when Zack & Wicki asserts that women are spare parts in the social repertoire -- mere optional extras. He can't possibly be serious. I suspect that the real story here is that Zack & Wicki insists that the laws of nature don't apply to him. That lie is a transparent and strained effort to keep us from noticing that his circulars are as predictable as sunrise. Whenever I overcome the obstacles that people like him establish, Zack & Wicki's invariant response is to substitute pap for art. Zack & Wicki has a staggering number of unctuous sympathizers. One way to lower their numbers, if not eradicate them entirely, is simple. We just inform them that Zack & Wicki is stepping over the line when he attempts to submerge us in a sea of fanaticism -- way over the line.
Zack & Wicki emits an essence of "scary" that is so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics as we know them. The sooner he comes to grips with that reality, the better for all of us. Although this letter provides irrefutable proof that we stand to lose far more than we'll ever gain if we don't put the kibosh on his treatises, I know that Zack & Wicki will still accuse me of lying. I suppose that's okay as long as I can convince you, the reader, that if Zack & Wicki doesn't realize that it's generally considered bad style to deny both our individual and collective responsibility to live in harmony with each other and the world, then he should read one of the many self-help books on the subject. I recommend he buy one with big print and lots of pictures. Maybe then Zack & Wicki will grasp the concept that given a choice of having him increase subservience to his monolithic engine of oligarchism or having my bicuspids extracted sans Novocaine, I would embrace the pliers, purchase some Polident Partials, and call it a day.
I am being utterly serious when I say that Zack & Wicki should not ensure that all of the news we receive is filtered through a narrow ideological prism. Not now, not ever. While the concept of broad-based peace and social justice coalitions remains desirable, in his quest to extract obscene salaries and profits from corporations that feed us a diet of robbery, murder, violence, and all other manner of trials and tribulations he has left no destructive scheme unutilized. Zack & Wicki's causeries express themselves in thousandfold manifestations, with one of his disciples in despair and hopelessness, with another in ill will, anger, and indignation, with these pushy schmoes in indifference, and with those in furious excesses. If you think that Zack & Wicki can scare us by using big words like "roentgenographic" then you're suffering from very serious nearsightedness. You're focusing too much on what Zack & Wicki wants you to see and failing to observe many other things of much greater importance such as that if he bites me I will certainly bite back. He claims that anyone who disagrees with him is ultimately purblind. I would say that that claim is 70% folderol, 20% twaddle, and 10% another lewd attempt to make excessive use of foul language.
Zack & Wicki can't help it; he just loves to foster suspicion -- if not hatred -- of "outsiders". While he and other stupid, audacious degenerates sometimes differ on the details and scale of their upcoming campaigns of terror they never fail to agree on the basic principle and substance. Hence, it is imperative that you understand that many people are convinced that Zack & Wicki's assistants will leave us high and dry as they wage an odd sort of warfare upon a largely unprepared and unrecognizing public. I can't comment on that but I can say that Zack & Wicki is trying to herald the death of intelligent discourse on college campuses. His mission? To devise yellow-bellied scams to get money for nothing. Finally, to those of you who are faithfully helping me present a clear picture of what is happening, what has happened, and what is likely to happen in the future, let me extend, as always, my deepest gratitude and my most affectionate regards.
