The Darkness (mini story I wrote, that I don't recall posting before)

I crouched, shivering, under a low hanging bough of the tree. The water poured down my body, cold but not refreshing.

I remembered entering the forest. I had been near the edge of it when I had spotted a half grown rabbit nibbling on a dandelion. I stopped to watch awhile and he moved further into the edge of the forest and again began to nibble on things.

I have always loved wildlife, and rabbits are no exception, and so I followed him a bit almost laughing out loud when he started happily playing among the ferns, leaping and twisting in the air.

One thing led to another, and soon I found myself following an old deer trail and stopping to admire the red fungus and large toadstools that grew out here in the damp, dark conditions.

But, now, I had no idea. I just woke up like this. Still in the forest someplace, but it was closer to dusk, and it was pouring....the rain cascading down my naked body as I huddled there shaking.

Why my clothes were missing was another quandary I had. But for now, all I could think, was how very, very cold I was. I desperately wished I had never stopped to admire the rabbit at all.

Half standing, I looked about me, trying to get some sense of direction, but nothing looked familiar at all. Having no desire to stay this deep in the forest all night, I made my self start walking. My wet hair slapped me in the face, in a scolding manner as I stepped over sopping pine needles and trudged nowheres in particular.

And this, my friend, is the back drop for my story. Or, perhaps it is not a story, but a poem. I am unsure. That is unclear to me, since it seems to have no sense of direction or purpose, other then to just be, and to express emotions.

After walking a good hour or so, at least it felt like an hour to me, I finally huddled under another large tree. Tears running down my face and mixing with the rain. My miserable self exhausted and half frozen.

That is when u came. I heard the swishing sound above me, and suddenly you were there. I smelled you before I saw you. The smell of sulfur mixed with rancid sweat, and soon your wing was over me, sheltering me from the rain as a large umbrella would. You crouched beside me like that. Not speaking.

I felt my body relax immediately, just the scent of you does that to me. For I know you, and I trust you. Now I was no longer alone. I leaned in against your side, and breathed deeply of you. You lowered your leathery wing down against me but remained facing forward, and silent.

I wished in the back of my mind that you would pick me up and whisk me off to some more hospitable environment. Someplace warm and dry. But I knew that was not your way. Not that you wanted me to suffer, but you preferred to have me help myself when I could..

So, I was content with the shelter.

You sat still like that for perhaps 15 minutes or so, Your only acknowledgment of my existence was your wing over me. I did not need you to speak. What was there to say anyways?

Suddenly you extended your other hand, gnarled claw that it was, and flame shot up in front of us, straight from out of the ground. The smell of sulfur grew much stronger then, and when you lowered your hand the fire remained burning brightly, as any campfire would, except that there were no sticks, no kindling that was burning. It was just the ground there....on fire.

Soon, I felt my skin warming. My face growing pink and hot from the flames. My tears stopped streaming down my face shortly after your arrival, but now a bit of a smile even chanced to show itself.

You reached down with your claw-like fingers and touched my skin, my face. Your touch was cool, like always. Your skin was never warm, but I had grown accustomed to that. You seemed satisfied that I was warm enough and leaned back against the tree behind us, spreading both your wings completely wide....a magnificent site, and slightly spreading your legs and arms...inviting me to come sit with you, in your embrace.

I looked up into your eyes, painful dark eyes. And I climbed into your arms and you pressed me to your chest, as a mother might hold it's child. Both your large wings you put over us like a canopy. I snuggled in against you. Safe. Content. There was nothing I felt I needed or wanted at this exact moment in time except what I was already receiving.

The flames still raged on in the fire and your eyes stared into it, or perhaps through it. Your agony always apparent. Your shame always enveloping you. But this was you.

At first I too stared off into the woods or at times into the flames. I think, perhaps, that I hoped to see a glimpse of what you were seeing. But that was hidden from me. Perhaps human eyes could not behold? Perhaps human hearts could not understand.....

My heart was full of you and I reached up and touched your cheek, rough, leathery skin greeting my fingers. I could feel the scars there...and the tear. At first I thought it was a raindrop, but looking up at the canopy your wings provided, I realized it was not.

Your face remained facing forward towards the fire, the darkness of night continuing to grow around us.

You have not brought death to me. That thought suddenly clearly rang out in my head. I felt a strong need to say it in words to you. To have you understand the truth of it, but I knew it would do no good. For, you had brought death before, though not to me. I trusted you implicitly. You would never harm me.

I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep against your unnatural sleep, that I suspect you had caused.

And in my dream you were there also. Though, your form was different. Within the dream, black oil seemed to be running off you, and your eyes were yellow. I could not see into them, and I felt as if you were distant to me. In the dream I ran to you, and you opened your palm towards me and bright, red blood ran out of it. You felt very sad to me. I reached out towards you, but you lifted your other hand and pushed me away. You did not touch me...some sort of forcefield, or perhaps wind held me back. I wanted to go to you. I would have gone to you. But you would not allow it. My chest ached.

It was at this point, that I awakened from the dream. It was you who woke me. Your loud screeching and wailing could be heard throughout the forest, and I am sure far down into the earth. The screeching pierced my ears, and I put my hands up to shield them from the noise.

And your wails, they were like the saddest lament I have ever heard. The pain and anguish of a million years, all trapped inside of you, as it would always be.

This went on for so long that I don't know any amount of time to tell you. I thought it should have been morning or day break when you finally stopped...but perhaps you slowed time or were in some other world or dimension that you allowed me into with you as you did this...for night went on long after you finished wailing.

After you stopped, I realized your wings were around me, and no longer above us...that the rain had stopped. I said nothing. What was there to say?

I kissed your chest with little kisses. I wished to comfort you, but I could not. I was too small to comfort you. Too little too late, as they say. You were what you were, and I could not undo this.

I think you sensed the things running through my mind, the things I felt, because you raised one gnarled claw and began caressing my head and shoulder.

“Take me with you!” my heart cried. It was a cry I knew the answer to already. Your answer was “no” just as it always was. There was no need to ask again. I could not go the places you went.

And, perhaps, I did not need to. You always came when I needed you, and I felt your presence even when you were gone.

Do you know I have seen you at night? At the foot of my bed, standing there, looking down on me, guarding me from the others, who are less kind then yourself. The sadness is always there in your eyes. At times I wonder if I am your penance? I hope not. I want to be important to be special.

The other day, when I was in the garden I saw one of the bright ones. He was tall, muscular, golden. His face perfectly formed. His large wings were soft and white and gold sparkled off them in the sunlight. He looked kind, and pleasant, and gentle. His song when he sang, was beautiful. I have never heard anything like it. It melts and warms your very soul.
He saw me there and his bright blue eyes were flashing playfully as he opened his wings wide and extended his arms toward me in welcome.

But I turned. I turned and looked off towards the woods. Towards the dark undergrowth. My soul, my spirit, searching for your own.

I looked back to the bright one and his eyes were questioning. I think he was unable to determine why I had not come to him.

I did not know how to explain to him. He was beautiful in every way. Sparkling perfection at its finest.

Finally, I opened my mouth and spoke softly “There is one, who has my heart, and only he. Completely, I have given him my mind”

The bright one looked about and asked, “And where is this other, more precious then the likes of me? Where is this one you care for so deeply? Do his wings sparkle more brightly? Is his voice more beautiful then my own? “

I smiled and replied “His voice is more beautiful then yours, for it is the voice of one who knows.”

The bright one pondered this, but I could see it made not a shred of sense to him, and how could it?

I wandered off towards the woods....eyes still searching for you. That was the evening when you found me waiting under the birch tree on the rock near the edge of the woods.

I recall how you swooped down on me unsuspectingly, and I had just caught your scent on the breeze, when I was lifted high into the air. I feel safe with your arms about my waist, but you already know this.


Now, this present night, I feel at home with you. So very safe and content and pleased. I wish that you were capable of feeling these things that I do. I wish that I could be here hugging tightly to you for all eternity, for you are the most beautiful one in the world to me. Exactly how you are, I have loved you, and my love for you is full and complete and I wish there were some way to express it to you. But, for now, I will just enjoy the closeness. This is what I have, and my heart is fully content in you. .:)