A Few Poems I Wrote

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RJ1022

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These are a few poems i wrote after reading some of Mrs. E's poems.
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This is one i wrote during a church service.

He Died for Us

His pain, was our gain.
The death on the cross,
Was not a loss.
He rose again,
He saves from sin.
He died for you,
He died for me,
And He set an example,
So we could see.
He’s with us now.
Some people ask “How?”
We tell them the Truth,
But they want proof.
We teach the Word,
They say it’s absurd.
We try again,
They turn from sin.
Their hearts, He mends.
We become close friends.
He died for you,
He died for me.
He died for us.
Don't you see?
 
Re: A few poems i wrote.

As Long As You’re Saved.

God’s never far,
He’s wherever you are.

Seems like He can hide,
But deep down inside,

He’s always there.
He’ll always care.

Even when you’re scared,
Confused or dazed.

He’ll be by your side,
As long as you’re saved.
 
Re: A few poems i wrote.

Eh... I don't know why I wrote this one. I just started writing, and this is what i came up with.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TRYIN'

Just tryin’ to find a way,
To get over you now.
Just tryin’ to find a way,
It just can’t be found.
I was tryin’ to find a way,
To tell you how I feel.
I was tryin’ to find a way,
To turn my heart to steel.
I’ve been tryin’ to find a way,
To get you off my mind.
I’ve been tryin’ to find a way,
It’s just not easy to find.
I’ve been searchin’ for the way,
To get from here to there.
I’ve been searchin’ for the way,
Can’t find it anywhere.
 
Re: A few poems i wrote.

My critique: I feel that your use of rhyming is actually limiting the potential of your poems. I feel the fact that you feel that you have to rhyme is stopping you from writing more complex sentences. Your ideas are very good, in that god conveys a powerful emotion in you (at least from what I can tell, but correct me if I'm wrong) and if you can convey that emotion through the poems, they could end up being really good. Just remember: a poem isn't a poem because it rhymes. ;)

I feel that you have a good start there though. Now, you just have to refine your writing and style some more. :)
 
Re: A few poems i wrote.

My fave was the "He Died For Us" one. I am way happy you are writing poetry. I love reading what is coming from someone else's mind and heart. Keep writing more!! :)
 
Re: A few poems i wrote.

RJ1022 said:
Eh... I don't know why I wrote this one. I just started writing, and this is what i came up with.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TRYIN'

Just tryin’ to find a way,
To get over you now.
Just tryin’ to find a way,
It just can’t be found.
I was tryin’ to find a way,
To tell you how I feel.
I was tryin’ to find a way,
To turn my heart to steel.
I’ve been tryin’ to find a way,
To get you off my mind.
I’ve been tryin’ to find a way,
It’s just not easy to find.
I’ve been searchin’ for the way,
To get from here to there.
I’ve been searchin’ for the way,
Can’t find it anywhere.
Click to expand...

Rhyming is a poets worst enemy most of the time, it restricts you're feelings into what fits where.
 
Re: A few poems i wrote.

But way doesn't rhyme with way anyways.
 
Re: A few poems i wrote.

ok... heres some more (and they ryme ::) )
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Eternal Life

You’re my number one.
To Calvary, You sent Your Son.

He was beat and bruised,
Dazed and confused.

He suffered a great pain,
But that was our gain.

And through you,
My life was made new.

I was born again,
Now my life, will never end.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Follow Through

I try to follow through,
In everything I do.

I tend to fall back,
I tend to lose track,

Of the time I spend with You.
I want my life to be true,
In everything I do.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My Best Friend

To me, You’re my best friend.
Your love, it never ends.

You forgive me of my sin,
Though You know I’ll sin again.

When I’m lost, you find me.
And You constantly remind me,

I’m not perfect, though I try,
To be pleasing in Your eye.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Never Ending

Raise your hands, raise your voice.
Hallelujah! Let us rejoice.

He knows your name, He knows your story.
Let’s all give, God the glory.

He’s the King, so we should sing.
He’s our light shining bright.

He’s the great love, that comes from above.
He helps us fight, even when it’s a fright.

He fights the temptation that is sin,
And He’ll be with us forever, there is no end.
 
Re: A few poems i wrote.

Priince said:
Rhyming is a poets worst enemy most of the time, it restricts you're feelings into what fits where.
Click to expand...
Heh. lol That's what I thought. People forget that a poem isn't a poem because it rhymes. I personally try to avoid making myself rhyme because it restricts what I can write.
 
Re: A few poems i wrote.

RJ..I like "My Best Friend" :) That was nice.








Homicidal Cherry53 said:
Heh. lol That's what I thought. People forget that a poem isn't a poem because it rhymes. I personally try to avoid making myself rhyme because it restricts what I can write.
Click to expand...

And what do you write? You made me curious now.
 
Re: A few poems i wrote.

mrs_enigma said:
And what do you write?
Click to expand...
Not much now (summer is when I try to get away from writing lol), but during school, I usually end up writing poems essays etc. for assignments and contests my teachers tell us about...
 
Re: A few poems i wrote.

Homicidal Cherry53 said:
Not much now (summer is when I try to get away from writing lol), but during school, I usually end up writing poems essays etc. for assignments and contests my teachers tell us about...
Click to expand...

I wanna see a poem or something now though. You should go write one. Come on, it'll be fun...
 
Re: A few poems i wrote.

Hinesmdc said:
yeah your always bashing our work, let us bash yours. :p
Click to expand...
It isn't bashing. Its always my truthful opinion and I usually think whatever the person wrote is good. If you ask for people's honest opinions, you must expect some criticism...
 
Re: A few poems i wrote.

I wasn't wanting to bash your work. I really did want to see it Cherry. I understood that you were trying to give constructive criticism to people.

On the other hand, I don't like recieving constructive ctiticism too much. I just want compliments on my stuff. lol
 
Re: A few poems i wrote.

I liked some of the words you chose to use in the last one. I am glad you are getting into this. It is a good way to express yourself, and communicate and get feeliongs or messages out.
 
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