A New and Improved Story About Gaara

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gaara-is-smexy4596

Lurker
Okay, I know some of you didn't like my story the first time, but now it's way better (in my opinion). Oh, and please don't make comments like "you need grammar lessons". Act your age, not your shoe size.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4133788/1/A_Troubled_Past
 
i think its good, but is kind of contradictory to garaa's personality. f garaa had had someone who went through all of the same things that this other person went through, then he wouldn't be alone. he would have had a friend. that seems to go against who garaa is as a character. garaa looked up to naruto because both were alone, but naruto fought that lonliness and found friends whereas garaa only found anger and hate.
 
atuidnekt said:
i think its good, but is kind of contradictory to garaa's personality. f garaa had had someone who went through all of the same things that this other person went through, then he wouldn't be alone. he would have had a friend. that seems to go against who garaa is as a character. garaa looked up to naruto because both were alone, but naruto fought that lonliness and found friends whereas garaa only found anger and hate.
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Um...it's a fanfic. It isn't supposed to be exactly the same as it is in the anime.
 
gaara-is-smexy4596 said:
Um...it's a fanfic. It isn't supposed to be exactly the same as it is in the anime.
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Generally, completely flipping a character's personality is still frowned upon.
 
How did I flip his personality? I honestly couldn't understand what atuidnekt said. Plus, Fhq, You're the one who told me to make it more original! How could I not tweak it a little?
 
First off Gaara had too much emotion. He never shows emotion. Secondly, Gaara wouldn't thank Ai, that's in his personality. Thirdly, Gaara and Temari hugging would never happen like that. Sure it's a fanfic but, in fanfics they don't change or bypass an already developed character's personality. It also would have been better to go further into the background of this Ai character, the fanfic felt rushed and out of place.
 
Well sorry I didn't make it to your liking! I mean really, it's just a story. It's called fanFICTION for a reason! It's not like I was trying to make Gaara exactly the same as he is in the anime and manga. And take it into consideration that he's only, like, 8 or something! He's actually really nice when he's just a kid. You're probably thinking of the Kazekage Gaara that's all creepy (and smexy).
 
hey you don't have to take it personally. its all just constructive criticism. we are trying to help you write better, not attacking you.

edit: after rereading my earlier post i see how it could use a little clarification. loneliness was gaara's purpose for killing. when you put someone else with him going through the same thing gaara isn't alone anymore. he loses all purpose for being who he is in the naruto universe.
 
I wasn't taking it personally, I was just ticked about something. In that case, I'm going to do something I've never done before. I'm...sorry. *shudders* God I hate that word! But really, what can you expect in a fanfic? I think Gaara needed a friend, so I just put Ai in there. I think I could've made Ai an introduction, but I'm a rookie. I cannot write all that well, just like I can't ride a skateboard.
 
Anyways...
gaara-is-smexy4596 said:
How did I flip his personality? I honestly couldn't understand what atuidnekt said. Plus, Fhq, You're the one who told me to make it more original! How could I not tweak it a little?
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I told you to make it more original as in not add one character to an episode and call it a fanfic, not make up your own personalities.
 
gaara-is-smexy4596 said:
He's not as cool as Kakashi-kun!
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he was when he was insane and murderous. now that he is all peaceful and trying to be like naruto, itachi became the coolest character in naruto. especially after he and sasuke fought in part 2. one of the best fights of the series.
 
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