Is your son a Computer Hacker?

F

Fr0dus Maximus

http://www.adequacy.org/stories/2001.12.2.42056.2147.html

Some of the best from the page::

I play Quake, use flash, wear baggy clothes and like linux, I must be a hacker.

2. Are you finding programs on your computer that you don't remember installing?

Your son will probably try to install some hacker software. He may attempt to conceal the presence of the software in some way, but you can usually find any new programs by reading through the programs listed under "Install/Remove Programs" in your control panel. Popular hacker software includes "Comet Cursor", "Bonzi Buddy" and "Flash".
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6. Does your son use Quake?

Quake is an online virtual reality used by hackers. It is a popular meeting place and training ground, where they discuss hacking and train in the use of various firearms. Many hackers develop anti-social tendencies due to the use of this virtual world, and it may cause erratic behaviour at home and at school.

If your son is using Quake, you should make hime understand that this is not acceptable to you. You should ensure all the firearms in your house are carefully locked away, and have trigger locks installed. You should also bring your concerns to the attention of his school.
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8. Is your son obsessed with "Lunix"?

BSD, Lunix, Debian and Mandrake are all versions of an illegal hacker operation system, invented by a Soviet computer hacker named Linyos Torovoltos, before the Russians lost the Cold War. It is based on a program called "xenix", which was written by Microsoft for the US government. These programs are used by hackers to break into other people's computer systems to steal credit card numbers. They may also be used to break into people's stereos to steal their music, using the "mp3" program. Torovoltos is a notorious hacker, responsible for writing many hacker programs, such as "telnet", which is used by hackers to connect to machines on the internet without using a telephone.

Your son may try to install "lunix" on your hard drive. If he is careful, you may not notice its presence, however, lunix is a capricious beast, and if handled incorrectly, your son may damage your computer, and even break it completely by deleting Windows, at which point you will have to have your computer repaired by a professional.

If you see the word "LILO" during your windows startup (just after you turn the machine on), your son has installed lunix. In order to get rid of it, you will have to send your computer back to the manufacturer, and have them fit a new hard drive. Lunix is extremely dangerous software, and cannot be removed without destroying part of your hard disk surface.
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9. Has your son radically changed his appearance?

If your son has undergone a sudden change in his style of dress, you may have a hacker on your hands. Hackers tend to dress in bright, day-glo colors. They may wear baggy pants, bright colored shirts and spiky hair dyed in bright colors to match their clothes. They may take to carrying "glow-sticks" and some wear pacifiers around their necks. (I have no idea why they do this) There are many such hackers in schools today, and your son may have started to associate with them. If you notice that your son's group of friends includes people dressed like this, it is time to think about a severe curfew, to protect him from dangerous influences.
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You seriously need to just sit and read the idioacy and ignorance of this guy. I can't stop laughing.
 
He obviously knows nothing about anything he is talking about. "Programming with Perl" is a hacking manual? Lunix? He didn't even give the right history for the Linux information either.

Here is what gets me the most right now::
Excessive time spent on the computer, communicating with his fellow hackers may cause temporary damage to the eyes and brain, from the electromagnetic radiation. This will cause his marks to slip dramatically, particularly in difficult subjects such as Math, and Chemistry. In extreme cases, over-exposure to computer radiation can cause schizophrenia, meningitis and other psychological diseases.
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:lol :lol :lol :lol

I started laughing my ass off when they called Flash a "'hacker program" and could barely finish the article from then on.

But honestly, this article is right. Everyone knows that the only purpose a good video card serves is making someone an UBER 1337 HAXOR!!! And of course, AMD....AMD is the freaking devil. They are clearly spawned by Satan himself and have an evil essence that immediately corrupts anyone who touches it. Also, anyone who TOUCHES a computer for more than a half hour a day clearly must be strapped to the bed and given an exorcism for evil has been ingrained into his horribly impressionable mind. *gets to Linux section of the article* Okay, I'm sorry, I can't continue my half-hearted rant. This guy is an absolute IDIOT!!! Linux is not an all purpose hacking program for stealing credit cards. It's a freaking OPERATING SYSTEM!! It's simply a user-made alternative to Windows, albeit, one that this guy is too stupid to even spell correctly. The worst part about all of this is that a sentence before this guy misspelled Linux, he says:

You are the only chance your son has, even if he doesn't understand the situation he is in.
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This man, who thinks that Flash is used for hacking, an awesome video card is necessary to hack, AMD is a third-world knock-off of Intel, and can't even spell Linux still thinks he has the knowloedge to tell whether or not his son is a hacker. What an arrogant jerk.
 
I'll be honest, the first two sound like something Jack Thompson would say.

The last two sound like something he'd say and get laughed out of court.
 
Hehe... good ol' Adequacy. Too bad they stopped writing articles... got quite a few laughs out of them in my time.

In case you all don't know anything about the site:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adequacy.org
 
Wiki said:
Adequacy first gained widespread Internet notoriety after the December 2, 2001 publication of a story entitled "Is Your Son a Computer Hacker?" The story was engineered to raise the hackles of as wide a swath of the Internet geek community as possible; it lampooned such topics as the Linux operating system, processors from Advanced Micro Devices, online gaming, and rave culture. Furor over the story spread quickly through technology / gaming blogs and Usenet newsgroups, and visitors came to the site in droves to express their opinions.
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