My story Darkened World

Dark-Abyss

Left 4 Dead Rulez!!!! <3 AnnaSophia Robb <3
My story is called Darkened World as you can see umm im writing this coz im bored it's not finished and im not shore if it ever will be :lol.

Im a bad speller and i suck at grammar so read at your own risk.


The world was such a happy place to be; it seemed that nothing could happen to the planet or the people that inhabited it. That was until a day that no one will ever forget. The day the world plunged in to darkness. The day where demons and creatures of the darkness and nightmares were no longer myth but reality. The day light shriveled away and darkness thrived. War was upon earth not by man but by mans fears. The dead rose and ghastly beasts thrived in the streets, spirits with no limit to their rage roamed the city’s. What was once a beautiful planet was now a wasteland that smelt of decay and death.

Nothing could have prepared Joe and his girlfriend, Anna, for this as they ran down the street, sweat dripping from their faces as it seemed the row of burning houses and corpse littered streets had no end to it. They finally reached a corner when they herd a blood-curdling scream. They stopped dead in there tracks and slowly hid behind a tree, panting and exhausted. They poked there weary heads around the tree to see what had made the sound. It was Amy and Jessica. Anna ran out to meet them but Joe tried to pull her down but her boney hands slipped from his grip. Amy and Jessica saw Anna and started running towards her, but before they could say anything there was a huge crash that startled the girls. Joe yelled, “RUN!! Darn it Anna”.
Anna gasped as a hulking shadow jumped from a burning building spreading fiery wood all over the streets and landing on a car. The beasts force was so great that when it landed it seemed to have snapped the car in two, sending the doors flying off there hinges and glass littering the ground like deadly sprinkles. The beast roared in anger and stepped off the car, grabbing it by the boot end, crushing the metal like it was paper and then flinging the car in to a burning house.

Anna, Jessica and Amy all watched in terror as this ‘thing’ stepped out of the shadows and in to the burning light. Its grotesque appearance startled the four, as it did not walk on its hind legs, it moved like a gorilla with two muscular arms supporting a muscular torso. The beast growled and slowly headed towards them Anna screamed in horror as it did not have a head. Instead replacing it was a gaping mouth with rows and rows of needle sharp teeth, the teeth shone in the fires eerie light it’s hulking body rising as it tumbled down, beating the ground with its fists it’s claws piercing through the ground like a hot knife through butter.
The beast turned and ran with amazing speed, considering it was running on it’s fists, it lunged up and jumped on a house, growling as it smashed a hole in the roof. While it was occupied; Anna, Jessica and Amy snuck to where Joe was. Once they were there they herd a scream. They quickly turned to see the hulking, skinless brute holding up what seemed like a girl. Joe gasped in horror.

“We have to help her!” said Jessica with a shaky voice.
“What can we do against something like that?!” snapped Joe.
As Joe and Jessica argued they herd a roar of anger. They turned there were now two of those skinless abominations. They were fighting over the girl throwing her around like a rag doll and fighting each other over her. They watched in horror as one of them grabbed her by the head the other grabbed her by the legs and were tugging violently. The four sat there trembling, blocking their ears from the agonizing screams of the young teenage girl and then the scream turned to gurgles as the girls head was almost completely torn off, her throat ripped open by the long claws. Blood was gushing from her throat and mouth as her eyes rolled back in to her head.
The movement turned to twitching as the beasts tore her in half. Blood gushed down on to the street, intestines flopping out of the now motionless torso as the beasts flung their share high up in the air and engulfing it hole.

The gurgling screams stuck in Joe's head. He cringed as the three girls sat there trying not to scream and cry in panic. They herd a screech as they looked ahead. The two beasts ran to the other end of street as something landed in the middle of the big puddle of blood.

Joe, still shaken, got up and ran to the middle of the street. Anna, Jessica and Amy clumsily following. All they could see was a spinney back bent over the puddle of blood cringing as it slurped the blood up. Amy stepped back and stepped on a peace of rotten wood. The creature looked up and turned around as Amy screamed and ran. The remaining three gasping in horror. The creature had no eyes but two holes where its eyes were meant to be, and within the holes two slimy tubes were poking out, blood dripping down the tubes mouths. The creature had no hands or feet, only stumps. As Joe turned to run an ear splitting screech killed the silence. He looked around as more of these ‘things’ jumped near the blood puddle. There had to be at least five of them now. They nodded their heads back and forth, then to Joe's surprise the creatures turned around and started to slurp the puddle of blood again. Joe ran with Jessica and Anna not far behind him.

As they ran through the once silent streets, looking over their shoulder all around them every chance they got, Joe, Anna, Jessica and Amy were horrified at what had become of their once peaceful town.
“What are we going to do!” Jessica demanded.
Amy Sighed, “there’s nothing we can do.”
“Yes there is.” Anna said in a surprised voice. “We have to go to my brothers house. He doesn’t live that far from here, he can help us he has guns and supplies in his bomb shelter.”
They ran and ran hiding from every lone skinless brute that was randomly searching for more life to take.
“What if your brothers house and his bomb shelter have already been attacked and destroyed along with the supplies by these things?” Joe said bluntly.
“That’s a risk we have to take. We have no other plan.”

As they searched the area around them to see if the cost was clear, they realised that they were on the street where Anna’s brother lived.
“This is the street.” Anna said softly. “It’s right over there.”
As they were about to get up and run towards the back of the burning house, they noticed something moving. “Oh shit,” Joe gasped and ran for the bushes. Anna, Jessica and Amy all followed as they peered through the cracks of the leaves panting with watery eyes of tiredness and bright flames that seemed to light the dark haunting sky.

“What is it?” Amy asked in a confused yet frightened voice, as Anna’s lips opened she herd a meowing and peered through the bushes looking at the fence. Sitting there was a ginger cat. Feeling stupid, the four stood up and walked towards the cat.
“Aw, poor thing it must be so scared.” Amy said in a kind voice
“Anna I don’t remember your brother ever having a cat.” Joe said, surprised he didn’t sneeze since he was allergic.
“But look at this place. It probably wondered in to his yard out of fear.” As Amy bent down to pick the cat up she screamed in horror and fell backwards on to her bum as Joe, Anna and Jessica both swung around. They all almost tripped over each other as the adorable cats face split open revealing ugly bloody snapping jaws. Blood dripping from it’s mouth, the eyes on the side of it’s head rolled back and two more seemed to open on its head, and then more and more. Soon the little creatures head was covered in tiny dead white eyes, as spinney legs began to burst from within the cat’s body, its little legs dangling.

As the four watched in horror, Amy quickly got up and started running towards Joe, Anna and Jessica but before she knew it a tongue was wrapped around her throat. She turned around and tugged at the long whip like tongue. Joe, Anna and Jessica all ran to help her but then they looked around, as the streets seemed to swarm with these little creatures. The street was littered with these cat/spider creatures, all with snapping jaws and tongues hanging out ready to grasp and pull them in to its ugly jaws.

There had to be at least twenty or thirty of these things skittering towards them. Anna looked in terror as Amy had stopped pulling. She was completely still as she thudded to the ground whimpering and moaning. “NOO!!” Jessica ran towards Amy to help her up but it was no use, her body was completely paralyzed.
“RUN, COME ON!!” Yelled Joe.
“I’m not leaving Amy here!” Jessica snapped.
“There’s nothing we can do!” Hey shouted again, as his horrified eyes gazed upon the closing in creatures, tongues at the ready. Joe quickly ran and grabbed Jessica and ran off carrying her, Anna following close behind.

Amy’s cry’s for help seemed to fall on death ears as the skittering mass crowded around her, the dead eyes gazing at her warm flesh, ripping into her. Screaming in agony, Amy laid there paralyzed with fear, Jessica watched as the skittering mass crawled over Amy screaming for help and screaming in agonizing pain. Amy kicked and kicked but it was no use tears streamed down Joe’s, Jessica’s and Anna’s faces as they watched their friend helplessly get eaten alive. The little skittering creatures were ripping at her face, some tearing her eyes out and then tearing at the muscular cords that held her eyes, and ripping them out. Others were tearing at her stomach, trying to get in. Some then crawled to her neck, tearing it open, turning Amy’s cry’s into high pitched gurgles as her vocals cords got ripped to shreds and then…silence.
The skittering creatures were crawling inside of her, ripping at her, lungs and insides getting ripped apart inside out. Blood drenched the once normal cat’s body, jaws dripping with blood and screeching with hunger. The three watched shaking, tears streaming down their faces as they watched the creatures carry their friend away piece by piece like ants.

Joe, Anna and Jessica all ran in to the bomb shelter, closing the door behind them, the screaming and the screeching had stopped. Silence haunted the air once more. Where their friend had been was now a bloody puddle and clothes, and was left over innards. As the blood drenched ground attracted the stumpy tube face creatures that leaped to the blood, drinking with pleasure. The short silence broken by the slurps and screeches of the creatures.


EDIT: Thanks to Hell Scyth for fixing my story up i can now post a punctuated version.
 
Thanks :D oh it will deffintly continue but i need more feed back first and just to let every one know you will find out the origin of these creatures and why they are there and ill make shore you will meet a variety of creatures in this story.
 
I know i said i would wait for more responses but i couldn't be bothered :lol so heres a little bit more.

Im still trying to work out how im gonna explain the creatures origins within the story.

If every one likes the story i will be updating it at least weekly.

I just want to warn some people that the story wont be getting in less gruesome i promise gruesome creatures and gruesome deaths are going to be plenty full in this story so plz don't read if you find gore well revolting.





As they run through the once silent streets, looking over there shoulder and all around them every chance they got Joe, Anna, Jessica and Amy were horrified at what had become of there once peaceful town. What are going to do Jessica demanded, Amy Sighed there’s nothing we can do, yes there is Anna said in a surprised voice, we have to go to my brothers house he doesn’t live that far from here, he can help us he has guns and supplies in his bomb shelter. They ran and ran hiding from every lone skinless brute that was randomly searching for more life to take, what if your brothers house and his bomb shelter have already been attacked and destroyed along with the supplies by these things Joe said bluntly, that’s a risk we have to take we have no other plan.

As they searched the area around them to see if the cost was clear they relised that they were on the street where Anna’s brother lives, this is the street Anna said softly, it’s right over there as they were about to get up and run towards the back of the burning house they noticed something moving Oh shit Joe gasped and ran for the bushes Anna, Jessica and Amy all followed as they peered through the cracks of the leaves panting with watery eyes of tiredness and bright flames that seemed to light the dark haunting sky.

What is it Amy asked In a confused yet frightened voice, as Anna’s lips opened she herd a meowing and peered through the bushes looking at the fence sitting there was a ginger cat, feeling stupid the 4 stood up and walked towards the cat, aww poor thing it must be so scared Amy said in a kind voice Anna I don’t remember your brother ever having a cat Joe said surprised he didn’t he was allergic but look at this place it probley wondered in to his yard out of fear, as Amy bent down to pick the cat up she screamed in horror and fell backwards on to her bum as Joe, Anna and Jessica both swung around they all almost tripped over each other as the adorable cats face split open revealing ugly bloody snapping jaws. Blood dripping from it’s mouth the eyes on the side of it’s head rolled back and 2 more seemed to open on its head then more and then more soon the little creatures head was covered in tiny dead white eyes, as spinney legs began to burst from within the cats body it’s little legs dangling.

As the 4 watched in horror Amy quickly got up and started running towards Joe, Anna and Jessica but before she knew it a tongue was wrapped around her throat she turned around and tugged at the long whip like tongue Joe, Anna and Jessica all ran to help her but then they looked around as the streets seemed to swarm with these little creatures the street littered with these cat/spider creatures all with snapping jaws and tongues hanging out ready to grasp and pull them in to it’s ugly jaws.

There at least had to be 20 or 30 of these things skittering towards them Anna looked in terror as Amy had stopped pulling she was completely still and she thudded to the ground whimpering and moaning, NOO!! Jessica ran towards Amy to help her up but it was no use her body was completely paralyzed, RUN COME ON!! Yelled Joe, Im not leaving Amy here Jessica snapped there’s nothing we can do as his horrified eyes gazed upon the closing in creatures tongues at the ready Joe quickly ran and grabbed Jessica and ran off carrying her Anna followed close behind.

Amy’s cry’s for help seemed to full on death ears as the skittering mass crowded around her the dead eyes gazing at her warm flesh ripping in to her flesh screaming in agony Amy layed there paralyzed with fear, Jessica watched as the skittering mass crawled over Amy screaming for help and screaming in agonizing pain Amy kicked and kicked but it was no use tears streamed down Joe’s , Jessica’s and Anna’s faces as they watched there friend helplessly get eaten alive the little skittering creatures were ripping at her face some tearing her eyes out and then tearing at the muscular cords that held her eyes and ripping them out others were tearing at her stomach trying to get in, some then crawled to her neck tearing it open turning Amy’s cry’s into high pitched gurgles as her vocals cords got ripped to shreds and then…silence the skittering creatures were crawling inside of her ripping at her lungs and insides getting ripped apart inside out blood drenched the once normal cat body’s jaws dripping with blood and screeching with hunger the 3 watched shaking, tears streaming down there faces as they watched the creatures carry there friend away piece by piece like ants.

Joe, Anna and Jessica all ran in to the bomb shelter closing the door behind them the screaming and the screeching had stopped silence Haunted the air once more where there friend had been was now a bloody puddle and bloody clothes and left over innards. As the blood drenched ground attracted the stumpy tube face creatures leaped to the blood drinking with pleasure the short silence broken by the slurps and screech’s of the creatures.
 
That's pretty good, man. I like how gory it got there towards the end. It does need quite a bit of grammar work, but you do have a good storyline going. Keep it up :)
 
Thanks x2 :)

Yeah my grammar really isn't that great and it's the only thing holding me back really.
 
Good job Dark Abyss. If Hell Scyth didn't fix it up for you, I would have too. :lol

If you need anymore help, just let me know. :)
 
Thanks Strubes glad you liked what was there so far and also thanks for he offering your help :D.

Im just having a hard time trying to figure out the next part of the story hopefully i can think of something soon.
 
The best thing you can do story-wise, especially when continuing, is to not take anyone's advice. Don't throw stuff in that other people will tell you. You want this to be YOUR story. :)
 
Actually, the best way is to give the rough outline to someone who can help think of ways to make it into a full sized chapter.
 
fhqwhgads said:
Actually, the best way is to give the rough outline to someone who can help think of ways to make it into a full sized chapter.

Ah, I didn't know you were a novelist. But in all honesty, if you want to create something, it has to come from you. Maybe influenced by others, but don't take advice for story.
 
Strubes said:
Ah, I didn't know you were a novelist. But in all honesty, if you want to create something, it has to come from you. Maybe influenced by others, but don't take advice for story.
Oh, for sure, when other people start calling the shots, it won't be the same, but it definitely isn't bad to get a bit of help, just not enough to really influence the story.

And yeah, I've written a few things before, but I procrastinate too much to make a story.
 
Strubes said:
Ah, I didn't know you were a novelist. But in all honesty, if you want to create something, it has to come from you. Maybe influenced by others, but don't take advice for story.
There's nothing wrong with editing, and making suggestions, if the person has writers block.

I'll get to reading it though, a give you my input, though. I've been crazy busy lately, so I haven't gotten a chance to yet.
 
Read it... love it... can't wait to read more! The descriptions of each creature sounds like something you'd dread to witness within' ones nightmares, especiallay if it were in real lifel. I can only imagine how much fear they must feel.

As i said on MSN, Abyss. You have the makings there for a great Horror Novelist or even Film Producer.
 
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