3845: The Last Stand

G

GamingMaiden

This is my favorite forum on the Citadel.
A tall figure leapt through the smoke. It ran towards the flaming ground and rolled into the fire,rolling out safely. It got on it's feet and dodged enemy blows. It began to sling out a gun,a sniper rifle. It looked clearly into the scope and took a headshot into it's daring enemy. It ran fully covered with weapons,a armor suit,and a mask with complexed objects on the armor. "Trooper-123.....come in.....come in...over." It grabbed the radio and talked with a delicate voice,"I'm here at Point B of the mission."
The radio spoke back with static."Be careful Aurora. They can kill you." The figure squeezed the radio and growled. "Never call me that." She crushed the radio in her rough hands and she steadied her path.
She was on a life or death mission to the 19th Sector on Omega-12. It was 3845,far into the darkened future of the almost dead human race. She was also the Commander of the Armed Remaining Military. (a.k.a. A.R.M) The 19th Sector was the headquarters for the deathly Yamirou,a alien race that could kill a human ruthlessly.
"Aur-Trooper-123,over here." Whispered a voice. She crouched over there and understood who it was. It was him from the radio.....Griffins. "You came." He said,obviously grinning under his mask. She grumbled under her breath and caught her eye on a 5-man squad of aliens......
 
Re: Sci-Fi Story Short....should I continue?

There's grammar mistakes and all that jazz, but you should definitely continue. :)
 
Re: Sci-Fi Story Short....should I continue?

I know about my grammar mistakes. Luckily,I'll fix it up in the final draft. This is just a brief idea....... :lol But thanks.
 
Re: Sci-Fi Story Short....should I continue?

Sorry, I didn't mean to be so critical. :-\

Keep us updated though. Also, if you need any input or suggestions let us know! :)
 
Re: Sci-Fi Story Short....should I continue?

Hinesmdc said:
i would much rather have strubes' input than some pointless flaming
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Thanks...I think. :lol

GamingMaiden...I excelled greatly in English and Reading in school. I also aced my Creative Writing class...So I've worked on tons of poetry and short stories.
 
Re: Sci-Fi Story Short....should I continue?

Awesome.....I'll probably give you the story to edit in grammar. :)
 
Re: Sci-Fi Story Short....should I continue?

I would definitely continue.

My one suggestion is to vary your sentence structure a little more. Other than that things are looking good so far. :)
 
Re: Sci-Fi Story Short....should I continue?

Like i said,its only a brief idea. I'll clear it up in the next posting of the story. :) Which is probably pretty soon....
 
Re: Sci-Fi Story Short....should I continue?

"Duck!", Aurora growled to Griffin. "Whats going on?", Aurora clicked on a switch on the upper part of her neck. "Translator. Maybe these aliens will say something very important." "Was that a human?", an alien said in it's own language."Told ya.", Aurora told Griffin, who did the same thing to click on his translator. The other aliens nodded or shook their bald scythed-shaped heads. "Y'dehsa, Humans are too scared to travel in these parts of the planet, knowing we'd kill them with no hesitation..." Said another alien.
Before another alien could reply, a sharp bang ripped out of Aurora's sniper rifle to the neck of the unsuspecting alien. "Ha'shiya!! ", The aliens cried out. They began to look towards Aurora who was holding her sniper rifle intently. "Aurora!", grumbled Griffin. He stood up and shot the two aliens with a loud crack from his shotgun. "I'm guessing you practiced aiming now?", She examined. "Sure, guess you could say that.", Griffin replied.
The aliens began to take out a weapon of their own. It was an alien weapon: the special Senial535 gun. The barrel was 13 inches long, with a barrel two feet tall. There was two barrels on top of each other. Aurora cursed under her breath. Griffin just stood in awe. "How much does this weigh?? This is huge!", He thought with a little bit of admiration in his mind.
"Ready to die boys?", Said the aliens in English. Aurora smirked and ran at the aliens head on. The aliens tried to fire their massive weapon but were too slow. She jumped and placed two perfectly-placed bullets in each of their heads. "I'm a girl.", She grumbled. Aurora and Griffin then headed deeper into the alien base......


*To Be continued*
 
Re: Sci-Fi Story Short....should I continue?

I like the direction you're going in. Make sure to have a backdrop...or a prologue of sorts, to make the reader understand what is going on as well. I'll handle the editing if you would like. :)
 
Re: Sci-Fi Story Short....should I continue?

i'll post up the plot now:

Humans are almost extinct in the year 3845. With the remaining humans, they fight back with a special weapon.....Aurora. Shes the Commander of the Armed Remaining Military. (A.R.M)With the war just beginning, Aurora and her Co-Commander Griffin, they have alot of work as the Super Soldiers in armor. (Alot like Halo right...? Not meant to be but..... :lol)
 
Re: Sci-Fi Story Short....should I continue?

You know, I think including a prologue is almost anti-climactic. I think it may work better if you put information about what's happening into the story itself (like you have been doing, somewhat), so the reader can discover what's happening for themselves, while they're reading it, rather than just reading a prologue.
 
Re: Sci-Fi Story Short....should I continue?

Homicidal Cherry53 said:
You know, I think including a prologue is almost anti-climactic. I think it may work better if you put information about what's happening into the story itself (like you have been doing, somewhat), so the reader can discover what's happening for themselves, while they're reading it, rather than just reading a prologue.
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Cool. I'll try to do that. I know when to also. :p

*I'm also very sorry for posting little bits of it...I'll try to put in more.*
 
Re: Sci-Fi Story Short....should I continue?

Homicidal Cherry53 said:
You know, I think including a prologue is almost anti-climactic. I think it may work better if you put information about what's happening into the story itself (like you have been doing, somewhat), so the reader can discover what's happening for themselves, while they're reading it, rather than just reading a prologue.
Click to expand...

The prologue doesn't explain the whole story...in many great books, you'll see a prologue..it doesn't give too much information..just enough to keep you informed and to get you excited. :)
 
Re: Sci-Fi Story Short....should I continue?

The prolouge is where I'd fail at the most.....and I'm thinking its alittle too late for it since I'm already in the story...? :-\ :lol
 
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